Last week, a friend who knows me well sent me a text and told me that I should watch “Dumplin” on Netflix. “It has Dolly Parton, drag queens, and Texas beauty pageants. You’ll love it!”
I did!!!
But aside from it’s entertainment value, I was really struck by a quote they used by Dolly Parton: “Find out who you are, and do it on purpose.”
Pretty much sums up all of psychotherapy theory in one phrase.
In my experience, it’s our critical self image that gets in the way of finding out who we are, and then doing that thing on purpose. Often, in my therapy practice, I hear people say things like “I’m too disorganized…” “I’m not aggressive enough…””I’m too picky…”
Now, we all know that there’s always room for self improvement. Yes, maybe it would help you to develop a daily habit of setting aside some time to organize your day. And maybe you could lean in a bit to the discomfort of saying what you actually think, or relax a little around the choices life has offered you.
But usually, because of the criticism, we totally miss the treasure of who we are. People who tend towards disorganization also tend towards being more open and exploring more options. People who tend to not be aggressive tend to value relationships. People who are picky tend to have a discerning eye. Get rid of one side of the equation and, well, you get rid of the other side, as well.
If you see yourself as too open, too disorganized – be open on purpose. Instead of beating yourself up for not planning, actively explore all your options on purpose.
Look beyond the self criticism. See who you are. Do it.
On purpose!
